If you…wanna do something else, we can. That was just a suggestion.
A movie is fine, I promise. I just need to get out of my room for awhile, probably. That’s all.
I don’t hold that against you. In any case, maybe you, me, and Sammy can watch a movie? I wish we had more options, but we’re kinda limited and all. But just spending time with you would be nice.
Sure. A movie would be nice.
Do you wanna do something fun tonight? Take your mind off everything?
We should. I know I haven’t been much fun lately. We can do whatever you want to do.
You are. I promise you that you are. I love you so much, Kurt.
I love you too.
Well, honestly initially I thought you were beautiful. I know that’s kind of a shallow thing, but your looks were one of the first things I noticed. But there was more to it than that. Something radiated out of you that I could see. It was in the way you’d make a joke or a gentleness I’d see in your eyes sometimes. I’d see how you interact with Dave or whoever and I couldn’t help but admire that and wish I could be that close to you. And then I was and I saw even more of your heart. I know it’s a little bruised up, but I still think it’s beautiful. You’re not afraid to stand up for yourself and what you want. You may not think you’re worth much, but you knew yourself enough and cared about yourself to get out of a relationship that wasn’t going to fulfill you completely. That took a lot of courage and confidence and I find both really attractive, especially on you. You have such a sweet romantic side of you that no one else really gets to see, but I do and it’s endearing as hell. You care about other people. Deeply. This whole thing right now, it’s out of you caring about people. If you didn’t, none of this would matter. You’d shrug it off and say, “Oh well, not my problem,” but you care so it’s hard. Caring is always harder. But you do it anyway and I think that’s amazing. I also think you’re really smart. You’re so quick and have all this wit and sometimes I can barely keep up with you, but I love it because you leave me stunned.
I could honestly go on all day about how wonderful I think you are, but if this gives you any idea I hope you realize that you’re a lot more to me than what you think.
I don’t even know what to say…
Thank you. I don’t deserve any of it, but thank you. I hope I really am this person you’ve described. He sounds nice.
I know, baby. But you see yourself differently than I do. You probably always will and maybe sometimes that’ll be a good thing, but…you’re way more apt to pick apart every part of yourself and be way too hard on yourself. Maybe because you’re always stuck in your own head, I don’t know, but in any case…the way you see yourself might not be entirely accurate.
What do you like about me, Colin, honestly? What drew you to me initially? What keeps you here?
I know, but just…don’t go. We can find a way to work things out. I’m sorry if I said too much or made things even harder, I just…I wanted to help and I’m sorry.
You didn’t do anything wrong. That’s it, really. You’re so kind and patient with me. You put up with all this bullshit, all this baggage. I feel like you’re doing it because you think there’s something redeeming about me that you have to fight for but I just…I just really don’t think there is and I’m afraid of you figuring that out one day.
Kurt, please…don’t. That would be the only thing you could do that would really hurt me is to leave me like this. I know this is hard right now and you feel like you don’t deserve it, but we can go to counseling and try to work it out or I can help you, just…please don’t leave me.
Okay. I’m sorry, I just…I don’t know what to do.
You do, Kurt. I promise you do. I want to give you all the love in the world to make up for all times you’ve missed out. I want to fill every single one of those empty spaces where you made a reservation for people that never showed up. I’m gonna live in all those rooms in your heart because you deserve it and so, so much more.
I can’t-….I don’t deserve this. I really don’t.
Maybe I should leave. Or disappear. Before I disappoint you like I am so sure that I will.
Nope, not gonna happen.
I love you, Kurt. I love you so much sometimes it actually hurts. But in a good kind of way. When you hold me close and tell me it’s okay when I wake up in the middle of the night shaking I know I’m never going to leave you. Not unless you get tired of me. You may not see it, you may be convinced right now that you’re a shit person, but I’m going to do everything in my power to try to show you even halfway what you look like in my eyes. You’re beautiful, Kurt. And kind. And sweet. And loving. You have your flaws, but I love those too because they’re part of you.
You’re just such a kind and patient person. Maybe that’s why you’ve been able to tolerate me so long. I don’t deserve you.